' I couldn't help it. The pain. The envy. The jealousy. The love. The anger. I can't control what I feel. And when it gets too much, it burst out of my heart in the form of vulgarities, tears, uncontrollable laughter and hateful yelling. There are times when I wish I wouldn't feel jealous. There are times when I wish I wouldn't feel sadness. There are times when I wish I couldn't feel.
But every time....
The pain of heartbreak. The pain of envy. The pain of unfulfilled dreams. It draws me in. I crave the pain .
And I keep looking forward to the day I break even more . '